Yet more bad news..........

This morning we received a referral for a little girl! Yes, you read that correctly, an adorable little girl with lots of hair just screaming for a big pink bow! But, yet again, we were shown a child that is not meant to be ours. It turns out that she has PKU, a very serious condition that effects how her body does or doesn't process proteins. If too much protein is injested, it builds up in the blood and can potentially cause mental retardation. Her condition was caught early which is good, but the dietary management of this condition is just horrendous. An individual with PKU must never ingest any type meat, fish, chicken, beans, nuts, dairy, bread, pasta...the list just goes on and on. We realized that adapting to such a diet would actually be a lifestyle change that we're not sure we're ready to take on. We couldn't imagine sending our little girl to birthday parties only to tell her she's not allowed to eat any of the treats there. We couldn't imagine having to tell her she can't eat most foods when her siblings (we're talking down the road here!) are allowed ice cream, candy, and pizza. We love to travel and often imagine where we'll someday take our children-how would this be possible with such restrictions? So, we find ourselves in the unfortunate position of again having to decline a referral. It's hard to describe the emotions we're experiencing right now. We're numb, devestated, and emotionally drained but at the same time hopeful that we are matched with our child very shortly.

A very rough 6 weeks....

On April 24, we got the call that we had been waiting for. It seemed almost too good to be true, as it appeared we were going to be blessed with a set of identical twin boys! Before we could officially accept the referral though, the boys were going to have one final check-up with the doctor. We assumed this would be a quick process and hoped that everything would be ok. We waited 6 agonizing weeks for news all the while picking up matching "twin things" when we were out shopping. On June 1 we got news that caught us completely off guard. One of the boys has a very serious brain condition. He currently has some degree of brain atrophy, probable cerebral palsy and almost definite cognitive impairment. This news was absolutely devastating to us as we had already started to think of them as our own. We had fallen in love with their pictures and gotten used to the idea that our house would never again be clean because we were going to have two little boys running around. Although we knew rationally that his condition and medical needs were too severe for us to take on, this was the hardest decision that we've ever faced. There truly are no words to express how it felt when reality set in and we realized that those boys weren't meant to be part of our family. The fact that we had to decline a referral when we so desperately want a child in our house was something we never dreamed we would have to do. We don't understand why we had to go through this, and why those boys were only part of our lives for such a short amount of time, but we're holding on to the idea that this is just part of the journey we must take to be matched with our baby.

Thankfully, because of this bump in the road, we haven't lost our place in line on the waiting list. After talking with the agency today, we learned that we are #3 on the girl list, and #2 on the boy list. We were also told that they expected to receive another group of referrals very soon. Tomorrow makes 7 L-O-N-G months of being on the waiting list. That doesn't include the length of time it took us to complete our background checks and homestudy, just the amount of time since we've been officially waiting. As you can imagine, we're ready to be done waiting, and ready to bring our baby home!

COME ON KOREA!!!